Fake plastic guitars and people with low self-esteem

You used to see guys in Guitar Center playing “Stairway to Heaven” and imagining they’re guitar gods — but this is a new low. “Guitar Hero” and “Rockband” have made every game-addict with $200 and plenty of time think they’re a protégé of Slash (on guitar) or Neil Peart (on drums). It’s one thing to play a game for fun, but these geeks take it all too seriously.

Three reasons why it’s pathetic:

1) They prefer to fake it.

In the time it takes to master Slayer’s “Raining Blood” on Expert difficulty level, you could have perfected the three chords that compose nearly every punk song. Think about it. If the game costs about $80 (for “Guitar Hero”) or $160 (for “Rockband”), you could’ve bought a real guitar at a pawnshop. Instead of playing shows on your living room TV, you could be rocking out in the real world (and looking a lot cooler).

2) They buy lame accessories.

Gamers have taken this phenomenon to a new level of sad. You can buy stickers, custom faceplates, stands and cases for your phony ax. Sure it’s the Nintendo, Xbox and PlayStation corporations that put out this crap, but it’s because they know these suckers are going to buy it.

3) They brag about how “awesome” they are.

Gamer #1: Did you get “Rockband” for Xbox 360?
Gamer #2: Hell, yes, I did.
Gamer #1: Yeah, it’s so sweet. I’ve been playing it like, non-stop since I got it.
Gamer #2: I called in sick to work for two days after I started playing. You can’t stop when you’re on a roll.
Gamer #2: Yeah, totally. What level do you play the drums on?
Gamer #1: I play on Medium for most of it, but I can play Hard for the Nirvana and Radiohead songs.
Gamer #2: Oh…
Gamer #1: Why, what level do you play on?
Gamer #2: Hard. Once I passed the Rush song with 93% on Expert.
Gamer #1: Dude, that’s crazy. I thought only real drummers could play on Expert.
Gamer #2: So what do you think that makes me?

Answer: A loser.

~ by kimswain on 03/12/2008.